Children feel hurt and abandoned when their parents send text messages or write e-mails instead of paying attention to them.

by Rune H. Rasmussen

‘Oh, just one, just one more quick one, honey.’

Many parents are talking on the mobile phone and send e-mails while their children are persistently trying to get some attention.

New research shows that children feel hurt when their parents are physically present but do not pay them any attention.

Feelings of jealousy
According to the New York Times, Sherry Turkle, director of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Initiative on Technology and Self, has been doing research on how parental use of technology affects children and young adults. After five years and 300 interviews, the results show that feelings of hurt, jealousy and competition are widespread.

In her studies, Dr. Turkle said, “Over and over, kids raised the same three examples of feeling hurt and not wanting to show it when their mom or dad would be on their devices instead of paying attention to them: at meals, during pickup after either school or an extracurricular activity, and during sports events.”

Dr. Turkle said that she recognises the pressure adults feel to make themselves constantly available for work, but added that she believes there is a greater force compelling them to keep checking the screen.

Prioritise your children
Kids and Media’s advisor, Kjellaug T. Tonnesen, believes it is important to prioritise quality time with the children:

“Children have a fundamental need to be both seen and heard by those who are closest to them. In a busy everyday life it is essential that children get quality time with their parents.”

After a long day in kindergarten or in school the child needs to get their mother or father’s full attention, not a muffled response from a parent who is talking on the phone or sending text messages.

She adds that this research should act as an important reminder to us parents, and it’s also important to consider that we are role models to our children.

In addition, if parents are spending time with their children, but are preoccupied with their electronic devices, they might misunderstand something their child is telling them. As a result, feelings of humiliation and loneliness may occur.

Kids and Media recommends that parents carefully consider when it is appropriate to use their laptops or mobile phones in front of their children.

“It is better for the child that we send a short text message rather than having a long conversation on the phone. At other times it is for the best that we turn off the phone altogether,” says Kids and Media’s advisor.

Related article:

New York Times
The Risks of Parenting While Plugged In